Breathe into the hose, you'll feel better.
Things are changing but not in the way you expected--instead of changing in front of you they're changing under your skin and you can feel the little bits and pieces shifting. You need to pull some of it out into the open and you know it.
He's there but not always whenever you want him there. Just one hour ago you almost got what you wanted but it wasn't exactly. Someone tried to stick his hand in your brain and you smiled and pretended that he did. He got what he wanted and you're sucking on a hose, filling up with smoke.
It's sitting near the window, watching you as you breathe out static. You pretend it's not there; you're too ashamed.