Prognosis

It's becoming clearer.

You can feel it speeding up, picking up under your feet as you walk, as you stumble to keep up. It's coming, it's coming, it's coming and it will be clear to you, you can feel it--the thought makes sparks go off in your stomach. Faster the messages are coming to you and with such direct clarity it surprises you.

Cut it off. Cut everything off, all of the excess. You're screaming to break out, you're so close. Cut everything off and split away until you're left with nothing but yourself. It's all getting in the way, you know it. It's going to happen soon. Pull the trigger, let it go. Calm, wholeness will follow when everything settles.

You can't let this pass you by.

A Connection

You never invited it in--you never do--but here it is in the underground. It comes with the compulsions and sits near the window, waiting patiently like it's waiting for you to respond somehow. You can feel it there and you know it is expecting something from you but not necessarily any time soon. It knows you'll know when the time comes.

When you first saw it there in the corner it surprised you, and then when it kept coming back it began to scare you. Why is it there? What are you supposed to know? How are you supposed to learn? When will you understand? The more often it comes the more you know that you'll know sooner. Seeing it there has become comforting, expected. Much better than what was done.

Someday you'll know why. You don't now, but that's okay. It's there, and its patience is soothing.

Misfortune

It wasn't supposed to be but it was. To you it wasn't supposed to be and shouldn't have been but when has reality ever listened to anyone? Turns out it was and it wasn't because of something you did but rather something you didn't do. There's a strange sort of irony to the fact that you had just recently heard about the virtues of doing by not doing and here was a perfect example of doing by not doing lead to something done that really shouldn't have. You do have to remind yourself that your not doing was not the cause of the doing but doing could have stopped the doing from being done. But then you remind yourself that your not doing wasn't really a conscious doing on your part in the first place. Now it's like someone took one of those single hole-punch things and punched some skin off of you--there's no way that will close up like nothing happened.

So now you have to live with this weird hole punched into you and go throughout your day in hopes that no one notices because if they did what the hell would you say? It's not like they'd believe the real story--the hole punch thing. The problem is even if no one knows it's there because you do such an amazing job of pretending it's not there you still know it's there and it's itchy. It's so itchy you have to scratch it but then it gets bigger and skin flakes are getting everywhere. For some reason you can't stop scratching it.